a not quite full heart

Four boys woke early.  Christmas presents have been opened.  Breakfast has been consumed.  Wrapping paper cleaned up.  And in the quiet of boys napping or playing quietly, my heart is quiet.  And longing.  Longing for this sweet girl that we've been working and striving to bring home for the last 3 years.  There's room on the mantle for her stocking.  There's room on my lap for many snuggles.

The Israelites waited through 400 years of silence.  Longing for a Deliverer.  The Messiah.  And He came in the most unlikely of ways.  Humbly.  To a young couple far from home in less than ideal conditions.  No fanfare.  No cheers or congratulations.  In the still, quiet of night, the long-awaited (dare I say, forgotten) One became flesh.  And this Word became flesh and turned the world upside down.

New numbers have been issued and we will learn of them in January.  In the meantime, during this wait (which I am confident won't be 400 years) we pray that God will draw us to Him as we long for His second coming with the intensity in which we long for the coming of our baby girl.

My heart is swellon with love for these boys God has given me.  But it is not full.  Full will come when she is home.  Finally home.

Merry Christmas, boys of mine.  And Merry Christmas, sweet girl...one Christmas we will sit in the glow of the lights and I will hold you with tear filled eyes and a grateful, very full heart.

moving...slowly

It's been over 4 months since an adoption update.  Several reasons for that.  We've added a baby to our family.  Not through the miracle of adoption, but rather through the miracle of birth.  We are so blessed to have this little man join our crew of guys.  His brothers think he's the best baby ever.  I agree.

Another reason for the lack of update is the lack of movement.  Until we were in the hospital delivering this sweet boy.  My man was running around gathering photos because we got wind that our dossier was to be reviewed the next week.  When it rains, it pours.  We were grateful for the movement.  More confirmation that God is working to bring our Honduran daughter home.

Our dossier was approved, and we received a wait number in December.  We just finished updating our home study and immigration paperwork, getting it overnighted the day before it was to expire.  We like to keep things exciting around here. Praying that is the last time we see our social worker before our adoption is complete.

For a while, ashamedly, sweet baby girl was not at the center of my thoughts.  But now, even though we are experiencing the busyness of a new baby, she occupies my thoughts.  Each time I look into my baby boy's face, I see her.  I wonder, who's making her smile?  Who's rocking her?  Who's whispering "I love you"?  Who tenderly kisses her sweet face 746 times a day?  I want it to be me.  But it's not.  Not now.  And that makes my eyes fill with tears.

Have you seen the the trailer for the movie STUCK?  Tears flowing.  Heart-breaking.  Bring her home quickly, Jesus.  Bring all of these children to their forever families.

no news

That whole concept of "no news is good news"...yeah, that's a lie!  Our dossier has officially been in Honduras for over a year.  Two sets of updates that Honduras required have been sent.  The waiting list still does not have our name on it.  Next month marks two years since we began this 12-18 month process.  12-18 months has grown into a projected 4 years.  IHNFA is currently on strike.  We are hopeful that they will meet next week and issue some wait list numbers...one of them being ours. 

I would be lying if I told you that discouragement hasn't set in.  Times of questioning God have crept in.  I've just wrapped up a Beth Moore study {The Patriarchs}.  Abraham and Sarah waited 10 years for a partial fulfillment of their promise from God with the birth of their son, Isaac.  They did not see the complete fulfillment of their promise in their lifetime.  Hebrews 11:13 says, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth."  That is the kind of faith that I want...one that I am sure God is developing in me through this situation.

In the meantime, we are anxiously awaiting the blessing of baby boy #4 in just six weeks!

Silent

This blog has been silent for quite some time.  Partly because there is not much to tell.  Our dossier was reviewed by IHNFA in early March.  We were told that the boys needed complete lab work done.  You can imagine their excitement over this news.  They were champs!

We made another trip to Columbus to get the paperwork apostilled.  This time, Dan went with me.  This resulted in me getting dropped off in the middle of streets in downtown Columbus, dodging cars to get the paperwork where it needed to go.  (ok...it wasn't quite like that, but close.  Very close.)  This updated paperwork is now currently in Honduras being translated.  We are hopeful and confident that our dossier will be approved this time and we will be given a wait list number.

Then...we're looking at 12-18months before we receive a referral.  Not the greatest news I've ever received.  We certainly didn't expect this process to take 3 years from start to finish.  But we are trusting God and certainly seeing that He knows best.

A friend of ours shared this song with us.  Perfect.

We have friends who are currently in China bringing home their sweet girl...enjoying those first hours with her. How thrilling to see photos of them with their baby in their arms.  Process nearly complete.  Years of waiting and longing finally over.  I couldn't be happier for them.  But I can barely wait to be in that place.  Baby girl in arms.  End of the waiting.  Family complete.  But God still has us in the waiting room...preparing us for that day.  I choose to be content here.  My love for our sweet girl ever growing.  Trusting this ever-changing process to a never-changing God.

drive to Columbus + apostille + picnic

We managed to get a late start to Columbus. A certain someone locked his keys in the car, the DVD player wouldn't work, and 20 minutes into the trip I realized I forgot the papers that were the whole point of this trip. Thankfully, every time I looked into the rearview mirror there was a happy face starring back at me. And what tops a picnic lunch on a gorgeous day with this little heartbreaker?

Friday, the papers were overnighted to our agency.  I drove home from the post office to find an email with a few more things that IHNFA is requirring of us.  So today I made appointments for the boys for physicals, blood work, urine and sight tests.  Dan is working on getting a copy of the deed to our house.  And yep.  You guessed it.  These things need to be notarized, certified and apostilled.  So it looks like another drive to Columbus is in our near future.  Time is of the essence.  A baby girl awaits us. 

apostille, oh apostille

One of the things with adoption is to expect the unexpected.  We recently got word from Honduras that our character reference forms needed to be redone...new format.  And notarized.  And apostilled.  When we did our dossier, our agency took care of apostilling (not even sure that's a word, but then again I didn't know apostille was a word a year ago!) our documents.  Since then, things have changed.  Now we need to apostille our own documents.  Which sent me to my friend, google, for some assistance.  Looks like I'll be making a road trip this week...heading down to the Secretary of State office in Columbus to get these reference forms apostilled.  Not willing to waste any time on the USPS!!!  Baby girl is waiting!

waiting... (part 1)

The waiting is hard.  This is the month that we were originally expecting to be traveling to pick up our baby girl.  We're still sitting in chilly Cleveland this month, not knowing when we will find ourselves on a plane headed for warmer temperatures and a baby girl that we steal our hearts with a mere glance.  We've experienced some setbacks that have been outside of our control...setbacks caused by red tape and bureaucracy...setbacks caused by people who don't speak English...by people who seem to have lost sight of how critical it is to get these children to their loving families.  But how grateful I am that our faith doesn't rest in "the system".  Our faith is in One who has no language barrier. It's in the One who shuts the mouths of lions, makes raging furnace rescues, heals the sick, gives sight to the blind, and raises the dead...just to name a few.  God is, indeed, our Solid Rock.


The adoption process is not all roses.  Even adoptions that take place quickly pull on your heart strings, I would imagine.  You think of that child.  Alone.  Hungry.  Who's hugging her?  What are her living conditions?  Is she sick?  Is she going to sleep hungry?  Has she learned not to cry because no one comes?  Are the voices that speak to her gentle?  What about the hands that hold her or change her?  Are they too rough?  Too uncaring?  Can she hold out hope, waiting for her family to come for her? 


There are many nights that I go to bed with these questions running through my mind.  Here I lay...in my warm comfortable bed.  In the next room lies a bed.  An empty bed.  A bed who is waiting for a little girl to fill its covers.  The room is only half finished.  I can't bring myself to finish a room for a little girl who's homecoming has an indefinite time frame. I know its silly, but in my head it makes sense.  If the room is finished, than there should be no need to wait any longer.  Somehow, in my crazy head, the unfinished room means we're not quite ready for her.  Clearly, in our hearts, we are.  And really, all the room is missing is some moulding to be sanded and painted, board and baton installed, some burlap curtain panels, and one wall in need of some decorating.  I mean, come on...none of those things are deal breakers if we got the call today to go get her, right?  But somehow, this makes the waiting make sense.  Even though it doesn't.



Adoption is a risk.  It's a risk of having your heart broken with deflated expectations.  I know that at the end of however long this process takes, our hearts will be filled with joy and our arms will be filled with a baby girl.  A baby girl who will sleep in the room next to ours, like a peanut in a big bed.  She'll go to bed with a full tummy and more hugs and kisses than she can count.  She'll learn to cry when she's hurt...or sad...or mad, knowing that mom and dad will make her feel better.  She'll learn to trust.  She'll learn to love.  She'll learn to call him "daddy"...she'll learn to call me "mommy".  Today, I'm holding on to that.

more thoughts to come...another day

the waiting continues...

I can't really say that no news is good news these days.  No news is no news.  We are just doing our best to be waiting patiently and pray that God moves our paperwork through quickly so that we can bring baby girl home soon.  This video has had me rather choked up lately. 

Children of God, by Third Day

The moments that our hearts just long for her are becoming for frequent. 

Baby, I just can't wait to be your mom!

so blessed

i am completely humbled by the people that God has placed in our lives.  so many people have been overwhelmingly supportive of our adoption.

i remember when we started church planting 2 and 1/2 years ago...it was a lonely time in my life.  i was in the middle (15 weeks in) of a problematic pregnancy with boy #4.  on day 2 of church planting we lost our precious baby...an all time low in my life.  God was raining down blessings on the church, but i felt like he had forgotten all about me personally.

and here 2 1/2 years later, God is redeeming the years that the locusts ate (Joel 2:25).  my life is full of amazing friendships, an awesome family, and God continues to show up in HUGE ways to bring our baby girl home.  i am blessed beyond measure.

this week we received a $1000 donation to our matching grant.  WOW!  and last night our life group surprised us with a $750 check for our adoption.  WOW!  i cried, surprising the girls who couldn't believe that i didn't cry while watching The Help!  See, I'm not completely heartless! :)  we are so humbled and so blessed.  did I mention that yet?  thank you, thank you, thank you!!!  i can't say that enough for each and every person who have given gifts (large and small), donated items for our garage sale, bought flowers, had trees trimmed...all for our precious baby girl.  we are just $2750 away from our total goal!!!  Yay God!

the ups and downs of adoption

to say that this adoption journey has been a bit of a roller coaster would be a bit of an understatement.  but I would be a fool if I didn't take that opportunity to give thanks for many things along the way...
...getting on the front end of adoptions in Honduras
...having the application fee waived 1 year ago when we began this journey
...quickly moving through the mountain of paperwork and homestudy to complete our dossier
...finding out about additional paperwork in time before completing our dossier
...God's financial provision through many of you to bring this baby girl home
...success in a flower making home business raising a good chunk of our funds
...approval for a $2500 matching grant

our newest news is this: we found out Monday that we were approved for the Show Hope grant for $5000...so much more than we anticipated.  This brings us within $3000 of our total needed funds for our adoption.  God moved a pretty big mountain this week and we are so thankful!

We also received some disappointing news this week.  IHNFA had been communicating with our agency that they would be providing referrals by the end of the year for the first group of families (us included). We found out today that the IHNFA is again on strike, which means there will be a delay in the fulfillment of those referrals. 
                                                   Three more months. 
                                                         It seems like an eternity. 
                                                              The anticipation is killing us. 
 We are choosing to continue to trust in God's sovereign hand.  It is now looking like it will be april before we experience the sweet joy of holding our baby girl.  I am believing that He is holding her for these months that I am not.  I believe that she is leaning her head into His shoulder as she falls asleep tonite...and every night.  I believe that His hand is on her and on us and will bring us together in His perfect time.  Today, I am thankful.  Choosing to be thankful for this process and the love it is growing in me for our baby girl.  Mama loves you, sweet girl.  Mama loves you.

a matching grant

We are so blessed to be recently awarded a matching funds grant to help with the expenses of our adoption through Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc.,a non-profit private operating foundation. Hand in Hand will match any funds that are donated through our friends and family for the expenses of our adoption. All funds received through our friends and family will be matched dollar for dollar up to $2500, making it $5000, by Hand in Hand. All donations are tax-deductible.  So far we have $1020 of the $2500.

So suppose you would like to double a gift for our adoption.  How do you go about doing this?  All donations are tax deductible and can be made payable to “Hand in Hand Christian Adoption” postmarked by December 17, 2011 (they extended our deadline 1 month) to: (for tax purposes please include our name on the outside of the envelope only…do not put our name onthe check itself)

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc.
Dan and Megan Anthony
18524 Juniper Street
Gardner, KS  66030

Thank you for your prayerful consideration.  By Christmas, we should have our referral and anticipate travel 6 weeks to 2 months after that.  We're coming down the home stretch!

update from Honduras

Despite the recent strike in Honduras, IHNFA has appointed a new director, who also happens to be the official personal assistant to the First lady of Honduras.  The First lady of Honduras is the one who has been spearheading the adoption efforts for Honduras' orphans.  IHNFA will be resuming work and returning to normal beginning this week.

In the past, Honduras Children’s Court made the decisions on which children were available for adoption. Since IHNFA has taken this responsibility from Children’s Court, the adoption process will be processed more quickly.  YAY!

According to IHNFA, there are approximately 11,000 children currently under their care and referrals should be made by the end of this year.  End of this year.  This means our baby will have a face, and likely a name for Christmas.  So excited!

from honduras, with love

I recently made a purchase off of craigslist for a now out-of-state friend.  Boo.  I miss her!  I purchased burlap sacks.  Ten of them...for her to make these awesome shades for her porch.

 Lovely.

In searching through the stash of burlap bags to find 10 of the same color, I found a treasure.  A burlap bag from Honduras.  On the front was a photo of Honduras with the words "Washed Honduras Coffee".  It sat on baby girl's bed for the last few weeks waiting for some inspiration.

                                                           Yesterday the inspiration came.

I took my scissors to the bag and this is what I came up with...

 This chair was donated for our garage sale fundraiser.  It didn't sell.  

I kept it in the garage unable to part with it.

 I'm feeling like the chair needs something else.  A pillow?  A coat of paint and some distressing?  Any ideas?

This I love.   My treasure from Honduras.

SnapShop winner

I know...I'm a day late with this post.  Sundays are busy days for us.  I knew you'd forgive me!

Here it is...the winner of the SnapShop course beginning October 9th at 5pm.

              CONGRATULATIONS to Amy S.

Amy, be looking for an email from me today with the login information for the course.

Thank you bunches to the 16 people who entered the giveaway and contributed money to our adoption fund.  Know that you are all winners in my book for helping to bring our baby girl home!  But remember...a portion of the proceeds from the SnapShop registrations for the month of October are generously being donated by Ashley to our adoption.  So, if this is something you are interested in registering for, you can benefit our adoption by registering now.  What are you waiting for?  Go.  Do it NOW! :)

a giveaway...

Ashley Ann of Under the Sycamore has generously donated a spot in her SnapShop photography course as a giveaway fundraiser for our adoption.  The course is valued at $200, but honestly, I think you will find it to be a steal as you learn to better capture everyday moments through photography.

                         I am so unbelievably thankful for Ashley's generous donation,
                         but even more for her heart for adoption as she and her
                         husband are in the throws of paperwork to bring her baby
                         home from China.

The October section of the SnapShop course run from October 9th @5:00pm - October 30th @5:00pm US Central time.  Remember it is self-paced, so you can access it 24/7 during that time frame.  Go here to see what this course will teach you.

the details:  On the sidebar you will see a new "chip-in" button.  For every $2 that you donate to our adoption fund through "chip-in" your name will be entered into the hat.  So, if you donate $10, you will receive 5 entries.  Super simple.  The entries for the giveaway will close on October 1st, 2011.  The winner will be posted on October 2nd.

But wait.  It gets better.  Ashley and her husband have generously chosen to donate a portion of the proceeds of registrations for the October SnapShop class to our adoption fund.  So, should you not win, registering for the October class will improve your photography skills as well as help to bring our baby girl home.  Spread the word!

***you will find the "chip-in" button on the side bar at the very top of the page***

slushies

We made slushies today.  Just 2 ingredients.  Sparkling water and popsicles.  The cheap, not very good for you popsicles that come in the long skinny bags.

Defrost your popsicles a little.  Try running them under hot water to speed up the process, but don't over defrost otherwise you'll have homemade soda pop!  Then bang them with a pot or rolling pin to break up the chunks.  Make sure the kiddos keep the banging to the popsicles and not each others heads! 

                       Add about 1/4 cup of sparkling water.  And a straw.

                                                Liquid refreshment...

dossier day

Today, came an announcement that made our children squeal with delight.  We went to the bank...

for this...(and some suckers, too)

then we stopped at Starbucks for a celebratory drink.

on to the Post Office.  (I love the Westlake Post Office.  We are tight with the workers.  Jay is awesome!)  This is the stack of papers to be mailed. 

What is a dossier?  I'm so glad you asked.  It is a compilation of papers that are required for adoption from a foreign country.  For us, it included...
...letter of authentication (for the Honduran lawyers to work on our behalf)
...original birth certificates
...marriage certificate
...medical examination forms
...certified bank statement...glad that was a statement of how much we had...before today! :)
...proof of residency statement
...home study
...US Immigration Notice of Favorable Determination
...3 photos depicting family life
...3 copies of each of our passports
...2 passport photos of each of us
...photo of each room or our house including front and back yard
...psychological examination
...certified check to the adoption agency

So Jay, our awesome postal worker, was surprised to see us back again today.  We were there yesterday getting the boys passports.  He decides to share our business with the customer he is helping...telling her that we are adopting.  She looks over at us while we are trying to get the boys to cooperate for a photo and yells "congratulations."  Yes, it was awkward.  She came over to tell us that she has 2 biological children and 2 that they adopted from South Korea.  Dan recognizes her voice and remembers meeting her at the park when we had a missions team here handing out popsicles at the baseball games.  This awkward moment turns out to be a great connection.  We exchanged numbers and she practically made me draw blood and swear that I would call her once we got our referral to show her the photo of our baby girl!  What a fantastic resource she will be as we encounter who knows what on this journey of adoption.  Plus she snapped this photo of our family.  I love it!  Thank you, Lynne!

Sweet baby girl, still un-named (we're working on that, don't worry!)...we are coming for you.  We love you as our precious daughter and we've never laid eyes on you.  We can't wait to hold you, hug you, and smother you with kisses.  We can't wait to tell you of a God who sees you...who knows you...who breathed life into your unformed body...who brought you to our family as a most miraculous gift...and who offers you a second, more precious adoption into the family of God through the gift of eternal life.  Tears fill my eyes as I think of the long 6 months that stand between us.  We are trusting God to care for you and protect you until we bring you home.  We love you, precious one!

snakes

The boys caught snakes...yes, plural...as in two...at some friends house on the 4th of July.  They were thrilled.  The snakes came home with us.  Let me introduce you to Sneaky and Jumper.

When the littlest guy and I awoke the next morning, we could not find the brothers.  No wii.  No ds.  No computer.  No tv.  I began to wonder if they had been abducted!!! :)  We found them our front...they had made this "snake playground" in the driveway.  Not once that day did anyone ask to play on any electronics.  Not once.  I began to wonder if these snakes had powers like Kaa in the Jungle Book!  I was being won over by our new friends.

Life got a little busy towards the end of the week and we weren't home much.  Friday the boys checked on the snakes to find them not with us any longer.  They baked to death.  Saturday was the burial service.  Uncontrollable tears streamed down one son's face right into the shallow grave.  He wrote a poem and read it to his beloved friends.  Broke this mama's heart. 

So much so that I promised that we could go back and capture more snakes.  What was I thinking???  Did I mention that a snake got loose in the house at one point?  Lovely.

changes...

The #1 lesson I am learning in this process of adoption is to expect the unexpected. We had hoped to have our paperwork in by June 15.  Our psychological evaluation is in Honduras being reviewed right now.  We are awaiting a favorable response on that along with the approval from USCIS (citizenship and immigration office) before we will be able to submit our dossier...hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

One of the reasons that we chose Honduras was that we did not want to have to travel more than once. 
1.  because I HATE to fly...as in I really have some issues.  My husband is threatening to drug me for the trip...and I can't say that I am really objecting!
2.  because we did not want to have to leave the boys twice in a short time period.
3.  because we did not want to have to meet our baby and then leave her only to return to pick her up several weeks later.

As you might have guessed from my gripping lead-in, it is looking quite likely that we will be traveling twice to Honduras.  Short trips...only 4-5 days long for each one.  But likely 6 weeks in between trips.  Five days of holding our precious daughter and then returning her to her crib for 6 very long weeks until we can make her forever ours.  I already feel angst about these 6 weeks.  Six weeks of knowing her smell, but not being able to smell it.  Six weeks of her missing our touch and our kisses and hugs.  But she has a Father her that knows her and loves her better than we ever could and we will entrust her to Him for those six weeks...and the rest of her life.  She is His before she is ours.

wow...just wow

We mailed in our application to USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) exactly 2 weeks ago.  This notification came in the mail this week stating that they received our application...

Um, 1930 Salem Parkway does not exists.  Nor does Westloke, OH.  And 44148 is a non-existent zip code.   But most importantly...I am NOT 40 years old!!!!!  How this even made its way back to our hands is most miraculous!  My printing is fairly neat.  I was a school teacher.  I took a handwriting class in college.  And I passed.  With and A.  Clearly we have a God that is showing us just how much this baby girl is to be a part of our family.  We are praising God!

I have never felt more proud of the US Post Office!  Never.

And did you all notice the little thermometer on the side of the blog?  Go on.  Take a look.



Did you see?  $20,000.  $20,000!!!!!  A most generous loved one put up the remaining $3,000 that we needed to submit our paperwork.  We have huge hearts of gratitude!  Only $8,000 more to go.  We are still hoping and praying to have her in our arms by the end of the year!  Please pray that with us!