Tuesday, April 5, 2011

missing my baby...

April is a bit of a hard month for me.  Two years ago on Saturday we lost our sweet little Carter.  I was 15 weeks pregnant and had been experiencing some difficulties with the pregnancy.  I had a placental abruption three weeks earlier and was put on a mild bed rest at home.  (BTW...bed rest is like a prison when you have three boys ages 7, 5, and 15 months.  Not to mention the man of the house starting a new job.  A hard job.  Church planting.)  I went into labor on April 2 of 2009.  That was the first and last time we held sweet little Carter.  He was already with Jesus, but we sang to him and dreamed of all things that we wouldn't get to do with this perfect little baby boy.  Even at 15 weeks everything was there.  Ten little fingers.  Ten little toes.  Knobby little knees.  Boy parts.  We could see all of his veins through his transparent, fragile skin.  The sweet little clamp on his umbilical cord made it all so very real.

Peace reigned that day.  Peace that passes understanding.  Knowing that Carter would never know pain.  He would never know sorrow.  He would only know perfect love from his perfect Father.  As much as I miss this sweet boy, I have such joy to know he is with Jesus.  I have such joy to know without doubt that I will see him again.  Perfectly whole.  What we cradled that day was just an empty shell.  I am so thankful for a loving Creator who is cradling my baby (babies...Carter plus 5 others) and loving him perfectly. 

Mommy and Daddy love you, Carter.  We miss you more than you know, but we're so thankful you're with Jesus.  Hugs to you.